Documentary: Oral Sex is the New Goodnight Kiss

Good Morning America just broadcast a video documentary about the secret sex lives of teenage girls. Besides revealing that girls are having sex at a younger age, the video states that many young women engage in sexual activity in exchange for new clothes and handbags.

To be honest, some aspects of this video feel obvious. At the same time, some of the interviewed girls shamelessly brag about their disgusting, unusual behavior (which goes beyond just having premarital sex in high school), and I conclude that they just want attention. My advice to the worry-wart parents out there: Don’t fret over this documentary. A lot of these girls just wish their lives could be like the 2003 film, Thirteen.

Brooke Shields Wished She’d Lost it Earlier in Life

Normally, I wouldn’t comment on anyone’s loss of virginity, but The Daily Beast just blogged about the confidence issues involved with Brooke Shields’s loss of virginity at age 22, and I feel obliged to opine on the psychology behind the general idea:

When asked about her biggest health regret, Shields responded, “Not learning to love the way I looked earlier. And I think I would have had sex a lot earlier! I think I would have lost my virginity earlier than I did at 22.”

Here’s the thing-I don’t think that having sex equates to being confident. Some of my most insecure friends had sex at age 14, and of course they loved the way they looked, but they weren’t big on self-respect. Shields should not view her relatively late loss of virginity as an embarrassment. In today’s overly sexual American culture, it’s enlightening to hear about women and men waiting longer to cash in their v-cards. Teenagers today seem too desensitized to sex, and sleeping around can actually have serious psychological repercussions.

To be honest, I do think it’s better to wait until at least adulthood (age 18) to have sex. High school seems too young. Who really wants to lose his virginity in the backseat of a car, or at home while hoping to God that his parents don’t show up early from work?

Anyone who waits a little longer to have sex should not blame the issue on self-confidence. Some of the most self-conscious people have sex at a young age.

The Brother Jed Chronicles

It’s been a little over a month since Brother Jed graced the University of Arizona with his presence. All newcomers can watch this YouTube clip to get a glimpse of Brother Jed Smock’s unconventional evangelistic preachings on college campuses.

Last month, Brother Jed faced an angrier audience. One student stole Jed’s fold-up chair, which most on-lookers agreed was below-the-belt. Another girl watched Jed’s speeches every day, and her voice shook with emotion whenever she screamed at him. I tried to be civil to Brother Jed until he singled me out and asked, “Are you pure? Are you a pure, virtuous girl?” Knowing that he’d fight anything I said, I told Brother Jed that I didn’t have to answer any of his questions.

“That says it all! A pure girl would not have hesitated to respond!”

And I walked away laughing.

Brother Jed spoke to a more even-tempered crowd today, even though he wore a cardinal red, long sleeved t-shirt that said YOU DESERVE HELL on the front and HELL AWAITS YOU on the back. Jed’s accompanying sister and his daughter wore these custom-ordered shirts as well.

Six students stood silently behind Brother Jed, and they wore wings made out of cotton sheets on their backs, resembling angels. Among these students was the highly emotional and vocal girl I mentioned earlier in this post, so I really think Jed received a tamer audience because his worst UA enemies went out of their way to mock him in silence for the duration of his lecture.

Sex was a major discussion today. Brother Jed admitted to not being so pure in his college days at Indiana University, where he was a member of Delta Upsilon fraternity. He drank heavily and had countless sexual partners.

“I wasn’t looking for nice girls. I looked for girls who smoked! I thought if a girl put a cigarette in her mouth, she put anything in her mouth!”

At least he was honest. He did, however, create an uproar when he dubbed himself a “born-again virgin.”

“You are not a virgin if you’ve had sexual intercourse! If you and a woman have sex and both become born-again virgins, will your child be of immaculate conception?” someone asked, egging on the others.

Brother Jed didn’t answer that question. Instead, he continued listing the kinds of girls he went after in college.

“You could pay to sleep with women back then. It was $5 for a white girl, $3 for a black girl. I never had a prejudice bone in my body, so I always went for the best deal!”

Once the sex talk ended, Jed proudly introduced his 14-year-old daughter to the audience. To my relief, all UA students treated the young girl with respect, and she gladly answered a few questions before sitting back down. It must have been hard for her to watch so many students annihilate her father, but he made the choice of bringing her along, and he chose to expose her to the ugly aspect of his job.

Another memorably foul, rude student met up with Brother Jed once again. This was the guy who stole Jed’s chair and never gave it back. Today, he marched right up to Jed and yelled, “You’re an dumbass, you’re such a f***ing idiot!” several times before leaving the area. Someone needs anger management classes.

A long-haired male student wearing a green recycling shirt flipped off Brother Jed and the Sister with both hands. He chased Jed around with his middle fingers, and I eventually told him to just go away. It’s one thing to talk back to Brother Jed, but it’s another to be heinously disrespectful and immature.

The most memorable part of Jed’s lecture happened in the late afternoon. A male passerby kissed his hand and moved right next to Brother Jed. He tried to touch Brother Jed, who backed up uncomfortably and scooted away before yelling, “HOMO! HOMO! COOTIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I think I can die happy after hearing a grown man shriek “cooties” in all seriousness. I wouldn’t be surprised if he started having heart palpitations.

Stay tuned this week for more on Brother Jed Smock.