It looks like I’m not the only fool attending a Twilight midnight release party this evening. I’m off to Border’s at 11:45, and luckily, I live in a town with fewer Twilight nut jobs than in the posted link, where hundreds of teenage girls are screaming and waiting for the clock to strike twelve. The Riverton, Utah Wal-Mart said that the Twilight pre-sale was even bigger than the Harry Potter pre-sales. It makes sense since a surprise actor/actress from the film is expected to make an appearance at this specific Wal-Mart.
Unlike the Utah natives, I won’t be engaging in Twilight trivia or costume parties at the Border’s release gathering. I want something to make me laugh tonight. If you’ve never seen Twilight, you should rent it for comedic value alone. My best friend and I were laughing uncontrollably when we saw it in theaters last November, and we were the only ones out of the audience of mainly teenage girls.
It’s not supposed to be funny, but the over-earnest dialogue, faux-vampire hostility, and dramatics make for a spectacular comedy. I laughed so hard, I cried, so I know I can count on Twilight to cheer me up and satisfy me in a different way than it satisfies most 12-year-old fans, who believe one of the main characters and vampires, Edward Cullen puts all human men to shame despite the fact that he wants to eat his girlfriend, Bella Swan. I actually saw the film after one of the worst days of my college career last semester, and the knot of anxiety and disappointment in my chest completely faded because I laughed so hysterically at this movie. It was a memorably atrocious day, but Twilight saved me from the Hell I endured.
The lines that had me falling on the floor laughing are:
Edward: (referring to himself): “And so the lion fell in love with the lamb.”
Bella: “What a stupid lamb”
Edward: “What a sick, masochistic lion”
Edward(to Bella): “You are my life now, you’re the only thing it would hurt me to lose.”
Edward (to Bella): You are my own personal brand of heroin.
Bella (uncredited, but in the trailer and novel): “I’d rather DIE than stay away from you.”
Edward (to Bella): “I’ve never wanted to kill someone so much (as you).”
How’s that last quote for Prince Charming?
All this aside, I do appreciate Twilight as something more than a slap-stick comedy. It’s all too reminiscent of the stereotypical high school couple. My best friend, Tracey said Bella’s character gave her insight into the way I view relationships and love, and to an extent, Bella and I share similar views on the subject matter.
But Bella is an over-exaggerated example of a silly high school girl who is totally and completely infatuated (and sometimes, in love) with a guy. Many young girls can relate to this. For me, I’m reminded of how I used to be, even though I had goals, a busy schedule, hobbies, and tons of good friend while Bella’s character is hobby less, friendless, and uninteresting.
Regardless, most girls have experienced Bella’s hopeless devotion, and though he’s dangerous and scary, everyone can find something good in Edward Cullen’s character. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do for Bella. He’s still “the biggest creeper ever,” my friend says, because he breaks into Bella’s house and watches her while she sleeps. Unlike Bella, I would not find this attractive, no matter how great a guy seems.
Here’s to a night of intense laughter. Come join me if you haven’t laughed in a while, I promise you won’t be sorry.