For the second day this week, Brother Jed Smock and his wife reminded University of Arizona students that they’re all headed for Hell.
“I’m not a sinner,” his wife said. “But I used to be a wicked girl at the University of Florida!”
Pride Alliance members stood behind Brother Jed’s wife in silence, handing out blue sheets of paper with information on hate crimes of all sorts. The club members were probably seeking to oppose Brother Jed, who has condemned a broad range of groups from homosexuals to Catholics.
“I was a born again virgin. It’s not as good as a regular virgin, but I waited until I married Brother Jed to kiss him. That’s how I know he really loved me!”
Brother Jed’s daughter wasn’t in attendance, but Jed’s wife alluded to her.
“Produce right now while you can! My husband has been good to me, he got me pregnant five times!”
The audience spewed a myriad of offensive and inappropriate comments, such as, “he f***s you good, then,” but such banter is typical of furious college students. The Smocks kind of ask for some of the negative attention they receive.
Jed approached later on and once again told the audience that they needed a whipping with the bible. He sat down and relayed his preaching experiences.
“I got a Masters degree before teaching at the University of Wiscon…SIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
The audience asked more civilized questions, and Jed proudly announced that his favorite sorority girls are the Delta Delta Deltas, which are more commonly referred to as the “tri-delts.”
“If you can’t get any, TRI DELT!”
Sometimes, I wonder what it would be like to have a decent conversation with Brother Jed. I’ve attempted this many times, but he has never been kind to me. Last month, I told him that I thought it was very low of one student to steal Jed’s chair and run away. Jed seemed irritated and walked away himself after begrudgingly muttering, “thanks.” I have trouble believing he’d be warm to anyone who doesn’t fit his image of the ideal human.
I wonder what will happen during his visit tomorrow. Believe it or not, his audiences are calmer now than in the past, and I truly think it’s a result of his strongest objectors, the Pride Alliance, taking a vow of silence. They’ve come a long way from shouting and crying, but I also think they should continue to express such emotions through words, which make all those feelings seem much more real. Not only are they missing out on voicing their thoughts, but UA students have less of a show to watch since there’s no longer a Brother Jed vs. Pride Alliance screaming match.