Manic Monday in DC, today’s crazies

Though today was fairly uneventful for a Monday, I did come across a few puzzling and obnoxious characters in the city.

While standing among dozens of people on the metro, I noticed a stinkbug flying through the train. The bug landed on the back of a young girl’s jacket, and the lady to her left began to scream.

He sure is ugly, huh?

“I HAVE AN AVERSION TO THOSE THINGS,” she said, jumping backward and panting.

“Ma’am, don’t worry,” I said. “It won’t kill you.”

By then, this poor woman was too far gone to respond to me. Sweat immediately began to pour down her face, she bit into a cloth, shook, and even started to convulse. As she continued staring in horror at the stingbug, I considered the possibility that this anxious woman could have a full blown seizure as a result of this panic episode.

“I have to get off at the next stop,” she said, weaving through several people so she could get closer to the doors.

Though I consider myself a high-strung individual at times, I have never, ever felt the kind of fear that this lady demonstrated. I sometimes feel terrified in elevators, but I’ve never had such a physical reaction to anything. I guess that’s what true fear looks like.

Later on this afternoon, I went to Starbucks for a snack. During this short excursion, I met a well-dressed young woman who happened to be standing directly behind me in line.

All was well until she ordered herbal tea, and actually pronounced and exaggerated the “h.” Who does that?

I shouldn’t be so judgmental, but really?

Last weekend was funny as well. During Homecoming, I ventured to Gentle Ben’s, my favorite Tucson bar, and some guy came up and jokingly asked me to partake in a threesome. I declined but ended up taking more bullets from this fellow.

“You give off threesome vibes, no offense,” he said.

“Why, because I have red hair?”

“No, everyone has hair. You’re not that special.”

“Oh, but I am,” I said before walking away.

And that’s the lesson I learned this weekend. Run for the hills when you encounter college boys. More often than not, they’re arrogant and insecure all at once, inconsiderate, and tactless. It’s unfortunate that I had to re-learn this lesson about ten times during my junior and senior years.

Thank God I no longer have to date this crowd.

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