As I wrote in an earlier blog post, adventures with Crystal always bring back childhood memories. Unfortunately, most of said recollections are embarrassing in some way. During her short D.C. visit, we discussed our junior high obsession with Dream Street, a boy band that peaked in 2002:
In case you missed it, the group’s greatest hit was “It Happens Every Time,” which, according to Crystal, is the kid-friendly version of “Jizz in My Pants”:
During the summer before eighth grade, Crystal, Nikita, and I talked nonstop about Dream Street. Having pined for older pop stars like Justin Timberlake, Lance Bass, and Nick Lachey, we were ready to have celebrity crushes on peers. Judging by their high pitched voices, short stature, and lanky figures, it seemed the Dream Street kids were thirteen as well, but we soon learned they were 15, 16, and even 17. Believing the age gap lowered our already impossible chances of dating these boys, Nikita screamed, “I HATE THIS WORLD!”
We loved Dream Street regardless, especially lead singer Chris, whom I planned to marry.
Though my parents pleaded with me to stop transporting Chris’s picture with me everywhere, I told them I’d have a shot to win him over in good time. Oddly enough, I was correct. In the middle of August, Dream Street traveled to the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk to perform a free concert. Crystal and Nikita could attend but my family had already planned a southern California trip, so I was unable to tag along with my lucky best friends. I begged my mom to cancel our flight, as I would be missing out on the opportunity of a lifetime, but she reminded me that we would be going to Disneyland.
“But mom, I was born in L.A.! I have seen enough of that awful place,” I said.
I grudgingly joined my family on the so Cal trip as my close pals saw Dream Street’s show. For days, Crystal reveled in the glory of getting Chris to smile directly at her. She wore a purple tank top that day and was convinced her shirt choice caught his eye. The girls had a blast aside from getting into a tiff with three grown women who flaunted Dream Street tramp stamps. If I decided to lead a lazy, unambitious life from here on out, at least I never got a Dream Street tattoo. If anything is grounds for a death wish, it’s that.
I continued to fawn over Dream Street in eighth grade, but my friends were quick to move on from our fantasy romances. I explained to my friends that celebrity crushes were all I would ever have, as none of my male classmates would go near the unpopular, stringy haired ginger with a ten-foot pole. Chris Trousdale was my only hope for true love, I argued. He couldn’t even reject me because we’d never cross paths.
But as we all know, one-sided affection always burns out. Chris had no idea I existed, so I needed to give the real world a try and hang around the neighborhood skateboarder dudes. It didn’t take long for me to jump from Chris to “Life as a House” heartthrob Hayden Christensen, who appeared in the 2002 box office disaster, “Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones.” Crystal was disturbed that I still clung to the false sense of security of a celeb infatuation, but my parents assumed I’d outgrow the desire in time.
In 2002, a Dream Street movie called, “The Biggest Fan” was released. By that point, my friends and I had no desire to see the film, so it’s astounding that Crystal and I watched it on YouTube the other night, ten years later. It doesn’t get any worse than this flick, which overestimates Chris’s fame. “The Biggest Fan” follows a hardcore Dream Street fan named Debbie, who inadvertently ends up housing superstar Chris for several days. After a concert in southern California one evening, Chris deliriously drives to a random girl’s home, breaks into her room, and climbs into bed with her. She ends up hiding him out for a while so he can avoid his pop sensation existence:
The dialogue is painful, adults dimwitted, and characters one-dimensional. Old men smoke opium at the police station, a hefty biker dude has a useless anxiety attack about Dream Street, and it’s unclear whether the cops are from the Midwest or Canada. Crystal and I definitely laughed throughout the teen comedy, which is available in full on YouTube.
“YouTube could face a copyright infringement lawsuit, but this movie wouldn’t be worth the trouble,” Crystal said.
Six years after this movie came out, Chris and “Biggest Fan” castmate Kaila Amariah starred in “Seducing Spirits,” which appears to be D-list wannabe porn:
I broke up with Dream Street a long time ago, but the band is responsible for many irreplaceable childhood laughs and memories. It’s likely that Chris was gay, as he wore lip gloss and dressed like a Chip n’ Dales dancer, but more power to him either way!