Creeper fighter to the rescue

This morning, a Twitter friend sent me a goofy but accurate direct message: “I think you have a not-so-secret identity as a crime fighter (or at least Creeper Fighter).” Though I’m far from a hero, I channeled my inner bold, fiery Irish woman today when a creepy verbal abuser started harassing me and another lady at Starbucks.

As many of you know, I haven’t installed Internet at my new apartment yet, so I go to the coffee shop when I need to get online. Two hours ago, I saw a tall man filming strangers and passersby with his flip phone. At first I thought nothing of this, but he loitered outside Starbucks for at least an hour and even began filming me through the glass windows. When I noticed his inappropriate, invasive behavior, I started taking pictures of him so he’d get the hint to buzz off. Well, I only encouraged the dude.

Soon enough, the woman sporting a burqa to my right went outside to tell him to go away. When she returned, I inquired about his response.

“He called me a liar and said he wasn’t taking my photograph,” she said. “He also said I better stay away from his computers.”

Moments later, the psycho dude stormed into Starbucks and approached the both of us.

“What the Hell are you doing?” I asked. “Can you please stop video taping us?”

“I’M NOT FILMING YOU!” he shouted. “YOU AND THIS BITCH OVER HERE NEED TO STAY OUT OF MY BUSINESS AND STAY OUT OF MY COMPUTERS!”

There were zero computers in sight, so the two of us were confused.

“If you don’t quit filming us, I am going to phone the police,” I told him, trembling in my lime green Victoria’s Secret sweater as he inched closer to me. Though I definitely felt threatened by this deranged verbally abusive asshole, I somehow knew I could handle the situation.

“I’m not doing ANYTHING WRONG!” he yelled. “And you tell that stupid bitch Muslim towelhead right over here to go clean my fucking house!”

“You do not speak to her like that,” I said, stunned to have encountered the perfect combination of psycho and bigot.

With that, a no-nonsense brave Starbucks employee pushed him out the door and called the cops.

“Don’t ever come back again!” she warned as the customers broke out into applause.

I turned to the Muslim woman beside me, tapped her shoulder, and told her how shocked I’d been by the twisted jerk-off’s comments.

“I’m so, so sorry he talked to you like that,” I said. “You didn’t deserve that and it really upset me to see him treat you in such a manner.”

“Thanks, hun,” she said, obviously wounded by the public shaming.

“No problem,” I replied. “Us girls have to stick together!”

Before leaving Starbucks, she said “thanks for coming to my rescue” and expressed more gratitude, which was unnecessary. I just felt awful that he’d been so rude to her, so hopefully she wasn’t too pained by the incident.

A few minutes ago, one of the baristas asked if I was all right, so I think that’s my cue to go back to The Daily Caller office to finish up my shift. Apparently I always appear on edge, so I’ll work on that. Before I head out and liberate the Starbucks employee of her concerns, I urge you to check out some of the latest Daily Caller stories that are sure to capture your interest:

“Glee” actress participates in disturbing “bruised-up Barbie” photo shoot
Psycho drunk man bites snake, sends it into emergency surgery
Shocker of the century: Palin remains mum on 2012
Dick Cheney praises Hillary Clinton
Scarlett Johansson campaigns for Scott Stringer for mayor
Kathy Griffin implies that Marcus Bachmann could be gay
Not a yawning matter: Insomnia costs U.S. $63 billion annually in lost productivity
Want to succeed at work? Crying won’t help.

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