‘Don’t shush me’

Monique and I just butchered the classic “Titanic” scene where Rose spreads her wings at the front of the ship.

Here are our top four qualms with this over-dramatic part:

1. As soon as Rose approaches Jack on the giant boat, he arbitrarily shushes her. Monique and I agreed this was rude, and neither of us would tolerate a guy telling us to senselessly hush up.

"DON'T TELL ME TO SHUT UP, LEO!"

2. When Rose successfully emulates a flying bird, the Celine Dion score starts playing and Jack croons something else. As noted by Monique, the different songs are too much at once.

3. Though difficult to distinguish in the photo below, the sky is blood red in this scene, warning viewers that Jack and Rose won’t have the chance to be lovey dovey for long.

4. During the scene change, the grand Titanic turns into a moldy ship at the bottom of the sea and Jack and Rose subsequently transform into algae.

Are we wrong to clip the wings of a great romance? Perhaps not. I first watched this movie fourteen years ago in fourth grade. Crystal and I obsessed over then-heartthrob Leonardo Dicaprio (who comes across as skeevy now) and didn’t care that he was 23 years old. Now that we’ve finally reached the age Leo was during the filming of “Titanic,” we don’t fall for the movie’s over-earnest tone. Plus, he recently dated Blake Lively, who was also 9 years old when “Titanic” hit theaters in 1997, so he really is an odd guy.

Speaking of creeps, a “Charlie’s Angels” crew member recently slapped actress Minka Kelly’s rear on the set of the television show. Rather than hit the man back for objectifying her in front of her colleagues, Kelly took the high road and said, “Please don’t ever disrespect me or any other woman like that again.” If this report is true, I take my hat off to Kelly for keeping her cool in the situation. I certainly wouldn’t have wanted to give the dude the benefit of the doubt. ABC has a zero-tolerance sexual harassment policy and reportedly canned the guy, but Kelly was allegedly upset that he’d lost his job over the incident. While I applaud Kelly for staying calm and collected, she should understand that the guy had created a hostile, unsafe, uncomfortable environment and couldn’t distinguish between a joke and harassment. Now he knows not to violate females at his next place of employment.

This afternoon, I lugged my 2008 Toshiba laptop to Best Buy for a new computer battery and then some. As it turns out, I need to order a battery online. When I told the Geek squad rep that my CD-Rom is also broken, he shook his head and said it’s time for me to invest in another laptop.

I refuse to cave. For one, I don’t have the resources for a new computer right now, and all I really need are my files. To be safe, I purchased an external hard drive so I won’t lose my pictures forever should my laptop decide to power off forever in the near future. I did, however, update my anti-virus protection agreement for another year, so hopefully the laptop can hold out until then. From experience, I know that laptops die shortly after the battery stops working, so I keep waiting for my computer to check out on me. When that day comes, a major freak-out will ensue.

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