With the relocation and job change, I’ve unquestionably neglected this blog. At any given moment, I’m worried about one of three things: Finances, shipping my stuff from DC, and transferring everything to my new place. As you can imagine, I don’t have much time for blogging, so in the rare moment that I can write something light or slightly goofy, I tackle the opportunity. It may be a while before I get back to my daily blogging routine, so here’s my shamelessly self-indulgent entry of the week.
This summer, I turned 23, and as a personal reward to myself for achieving my goals this year, I’ve composed a list of 23 random facts about me. You may find this post totally boring, self-satisfied, and bothersome, but just know that this is mainly for my personal entertainment. Feel free to include facts about yourself in the comments section.
1. I’ve been a Francophile since age two, when I saw “Beauty and the Beast.” Several years later, I cracked open my father’s pocket French translation dictionary and attempted to decipher the words on the page. I eventually studied abroad in the country and learned to speak French proficiently.
2. I rocked the hipster bangs for the second half of college. Many people complimented my look junior and senior year, but I made the right decision to ditch the bangs right around graduation time.
3. In high school, I covered each of my bedroom walls in collages of teeny bopper magazine clippings. Little did I know, I’d do something similar in my career. At the Daily Caller, I made celebrity picture slideshows, which reminded me of my Tiger Beat reading days and creations.
4. If I didn’t write, I’d make commercials, preferably for Coca-Cola or Target. Since the age of seven, I’ve known that writing is my calling. During my early years of high school, I tried to fight this fate by joining drama club and trying out for plays. I wanted to be Rachel from “Glee,” but acting wasn’t my thing. I have neither the over-the-top personality nor the striking good looks for such a profession, but I’m excellent behind the scenes. If I ever retire from writing, I’d like to create commercials. Every time a clever or funny ad pops up on screen, I muse about how I could have contributed to the overall product. I especially love Target, Apple, and Coca-Cola commercials, as they tell stories and usually have catchy background tunes. Writing is my one true love and quite possibly the only thing I can do (more on my athletic abilities, or complete lack thereof, below), but maybe someday my creativity will hit the small screen.
5. I was once told I’m selfish for wanting twins so I only have to give birth once. And you know what? I’m okay with that because the concept of childbirth terrifies me. I’m not one of those ladies who wants the ultimate emo 9-month pregnancy experience. If I ever bear children, I want to speed up the delivery process so I can meet my offspring already.
6. I refuse to live with someone before marriage, but not for traditional reasons. I’ve seen a lot of relationships fall apart as a result of “living in sin.” I’m in no way morally opposed to shacking up with a significant other, but I’ve watched too many couples who thought they had the perfect thing going want to massacre each other upon sharing a living space. Don’t expect to see me living with a guy until I’ve tied the knot.
7. I’m content with being an anti-fashionista. I am never going to be the kind of girl who wows onlookers with her swagger and ensemble, especially here in New York. My life goal is to produce quality work, not to impress others with my apparel or social status. Though I want to dress well in NYC, my vision is to make a name for myself in the writing industry, so hopefully I won’t have to purchase a “Devil Wears Prada” wardrobe to get there. If you really think about it, Andrea’s character didn’t need designer clothes to land the newspaper reporting job later on in the film.
8. I go all out for Christmas. Most holidays annoy me to no end. July 4th, Halloween, and New Years are more obnoxious than they are enjoyable, so I’m a huge fan of Christmas, which promotes peace, love, family time, giving, and thanks. Yeah yeah yeah, it’s commercialized and fuels materialism, but it’s also incredibly powerful and moving. Though I campaign against purchasing unnecessary house decorations like doormats and candles, my apartment becomes the north pole every November 1. I purchase multiple trees, string glowing lights up in my room, sprinkle every table with green and red M&Ms, and place stuffed Santas in the corner of each room. I watch kids comedies like “Home Alone,” “The Grinch,” “The Santa Clause,” “Christmas with the Kranks,” “Elf,” “The Polar Express,” and adult Christmas movies such as “The Family Stone,” “It’s a Wonderful Life,” and”A Christmas Carol” on repeat.
9. In ninth grade, one of my disturbed classmates began threatening to kill my dog. A neighbor, he talked about shooting my puppy Roxy and suggested I keep her inside at all times. When I approached the school about my concerns, Psycho Boy’s friends turned on me and called me a “whore” for “tattling.” A year later, he was expelled. Though he’d said he wanted to hurt me and my little dog, his friends later claimed he had a crush on me. Because threats are totally the way to a woman’s heart, right?
10. I was “Bambi-d.” Sometimes I wonder what my dad would think of my accomplishments and growth if he were still alive. Would he recognize me or am I far too different from the 17-year-old he knew so well?
11. My writing was first published in seventh grade. I wrote a four-page spread on my bullying for Discovery Girls magazine. Three years later, I contributed to Cosmo!Girl and wrote several guest pieces in the local newspaper.
12. My idea of a true luxury is a personal assistant. If I ever strike it rich, I’m hiring someone to do all the chores I hate: Scheduling doctor’s appointments, apartment hunting, purchasing groceries, cooking, moving, making phone calls.
13. As a child, I mastered the art of dodging P.E. class. You’ll never find someone as bad at group sports as me. I was ten times worse at such games growing up, and to avoid constant embarrassment, I forged doctor’s notes for P.E., stalled changing clothes in the locker room, took way too many bathroom breaks, and did whatever I could to avoid participation. By the time I hit high school, the P.E. instructor liked me and my friends so much that he allowed us to sit out during sports matches.
14. I got an “A” in high school physics because the teacher believed an “A’s for everybody” policy would boost morale and motivate the class. My grandmother thought I was a genius for earning an “A” in conceptual physics during my freshman year, but in reality, the course instructor, a former NASA employee, gave all his students an “A” because he believed that would give them an incentive to earn that perfect grade. What faith he had in us 14-year-olds.
15. I wish I never got into politics. I’m not totally sure how I ended up living in DC. I suppose it started eleventh grade, when I joined the Young Republicans to stay involved with school and meet a guy. I ended up dating the group president for several years, and I suppose that prompted me to sign up for the College Republicans when I enrolled at the University of Arizona. During the first week of freshman year, I joined the club and met fellow freshman Joey, who remains a good friend today even though we get into unusual arguments and discussions from time to time. The point is that I stayed in the organization for my friends and ended up in DC, where I had connections, as a result. As much as I care about politics, I never wanted to be involved in the field. I’m glad it’s finally out of my life.
16. Celebrity crushes got me through junior high bullying. Because I was harassed and picked on constantly growing up, I had no chance getting a boyfriend in my pre-teen years. Rather than spend my time pursing Alex M., the short funny guy in my English class, I pined for celebrities. With no chance of actually meeting these fellows, they could never reject me. These crushes kept me going until junior year of high school, when I felt good enough about myself to approach non-famous men.
17. In eighth grade, I cheated my way onto the cheerleading squad. This story is for a future blog post entirely, but here’s a preview for ya: I attended my brother’s college graduation during training week and therefore never fully got the hang of the tryout routine, so I tanked at auditions. I complained about this until the cheer coach begrudgingly let me and the other rejected girls onto the team. This didn’t sit well with those who had made the initial cut, as they believed I’d cheapened their win. Chances are, I did, but I’m sure they’ve moved on from it by now. If not, may God bless their souls.
18. I’ll do anything to be David Sedaris. When I told him this during his Tucson book signing, he became very uncomfortable and warned me of the inevitable awkwardness that ensues as a result of non-fiction writing. Fine by me!
19. Stephen King was my childhood hero. You don’t get much more prolific than Stephen King. I devoured his novels in high school, hoping his stamina would somehow rub off on me. I still haven’t reached his level of productivity, but hope to successfully emulate his writing strategies someday.
20. I’m a really boring eater. My limitations have undoubtedly hurt my personal life, but in my opinion, there’s a lot more to life than food, so I will never understand people who live to eat.
21. I got my first kiss and “I love you” on Valentine’s Day 2005. The scene was basically plucked from a teen romance film. If it hadn’t happened to me, I’d laugh about the story’s cheesiness. I’m sorry to report my romantic experiences peaked that year. Sure I had a long and fulfilling relationship with the aforementioned young man, but everyone after him was marginal at best. After ending things with my boyfriend, I fell for a frat boy who wasn’t ready for anything serious. When he reached that point towards the end of college, I was after another guy who had an aversion to contacting me before 3:30 a.m.
22. I never slept as a kid, but would do anything to get more time to sleep now. I spent much of my childhood dreading bedtime, mainly because I could not for the life of me get any shut eye. Sleepovers caused me great excitement and immense anxiety because I was always the last person to fall asleep. For some reason, the prospect of being the only one awake in the entire house put me in a state of inconsolable panic. I recall staying up for nights on end when I stayed at my uncle’s Boston house on winter break. I did the same at my other uncle’s New York residence. One night, he got up at 1:15 and found me sobbing in my cousin’s room. I was upset that everyone except me had fallen asleep. It seemed like everyone in the world was capable of rest but me.
Then came seventh grade, when all I wanted to do was zonk out. Since then, I’ve never felt well rested. In college, I befriended a France transplant named Lola who experienced the exact same childhood sleeping problems. She slept even less than I had and was lucky to score two hours a night. We felt tired again in our early teens and can almost always go down for a nap. Lola and I joke that we’re still trying to catch up on the sleep we never got as kids. Though I love feeling well rested, I suffer from insomnia every once in a while. Instead of crying about it as I did back then, I joke about it on Twitter, which never, ever sleeps. No matter what time of day I tweet, there is always someone awake to read it.
23. My mom is a former beauty queen. She helps me dress better, schedule nail and hair appointments, and make shopping trips. We’re different in so many ways, but I’d be lost without her grooming guidance and support.