Funniest passages from ‘Fifty Shades Darker’

I’ve had a lot more fun with “Fifty Shades Darker,” the second book in E.L. James’s viral trilogy, than I did with its predecessor. As many have noted, novel #2 focuses more on the relationship between Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele than their sexual dynamic, and I actually prefer reading about the ways they connect outside the bedroom (or sex room). So far, I’m intrigued by the story, but I also find myself laughing more frequently during this book than the first. Here are some choice quotes from “Fifty Shades Darker”:

1. “Let me ask you something first. Do you want a regular vanilla relationship with no kinky fuckery at all?”
My mouth drops open. “Kinky fuckery?” I squeak.
“Kinky fuckery.”
“I can’t believe you said that.’
“Well, I did. Answer me,” he says calmly.
I flush. My inner goddess is down on bended knee with her hands clasped in supplication begging me.
“I like your kinky fuckery,” I whisper.

2. I gasp, and his mouth swoops down. He’s kissing me, violently. Briefly our teeth clash, then his tongue is in my mouth.
Desire explodes like the Fourth of July throughout my body, and I’m kissing him back, matching his fervor, my hands knotting in his hair, pulling it, hard. He groans, a low sexy sound in the back of his throat that reverberates through me, and his hand moves down my body to the top of my thigh, his fingers digging into my flesh through the plum dress.

3. He steps out of his jeans and pulls off his socks, and I take hold of him in my hand and squeeze tight, pushing my hand back like he’s shown me before. He groans and tenses, and his breathe hisses through clenched teeth. Very tentatively, I put him in my mouth and suck — hard. Mmm, he tastes good.

4. He is gloriously naked, My inner goddess is doing a triple axel dismount off the uneven bars, and abruptly my mouth is dry…Oh…it’s cold. Each nipple peaks and hardens beneath the cool of vanilla.

5. I erupt unexpectedly into a mind-blowing orgasm that stuns all my senses, obliterating all that’s happening outside my body as I writhe and groan. Holy fucking cow, that was so quick…I am just sensation. This is what he does to me — takes my body and possesses it wholly so that I think of nothing but him. His magic is powerful, intoxicating. I’m a butterfly caught in his net, unable and unwilling to escape. I’m his…totally his.

“Come on, baby,” he growls through gritted teeth and on cue, like the sorcerer’s apprentice I am, I let go, and we find our release together.

6. “You love strapping me in, don’t you?”
“In any form,” he says, a wicked grin playing on his lips.
“You are a pervert.”
“I know.” He raises his eyebrows and his grin broadens.
“My pervert,” I whisper.
“Yes, yours.”

7. “I don’t know whether to worship at your feet or spank the living shit out of you.”

8. He narrows his eyes. “You need to eat.”
“I’m really not hungry right now…for food.”
“What are you hungry for, Miss Steele?”
“I think you know, Mr. Grey.”
He leans down, and again I think he’s going to kiss me, but he doesn’t.
“Do you want me to kiss you, Anastasia?” he whispers softly in my ear.
“Yes,” I breathe.


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