Every time I eat a salad, my soul dies a little bit

It’s a privilege to eat healthy in this world, but there are so many more appetizing and nutritional meals than salad, which is not a meal, by the way. It’s rabbit food.

Yet here I am, munching on a dry Caesar Salad for lunch. Why? Because I ate like an obese person in Vegas (baked potato soup + a stack of blueberry pancakes for breakfast? Oh yeah, Nikki bought that combination for me at Mandalay Bay’s Raffles Cafe) and am experiencing bad heartburn. Not to worry, though. I’m kind of a fragile freak anyway and the pain will subside — after I finish this soul-crushing Dean & Deluca salad. Just look at it. I expect more from the gourmet store, but even they can’t change the fact that salad can be a downer:

I can’t even take a clear picture of it, I dislike it so much

Maybe I just need to put better things in the salad, such as chicken, lentils, beans, and pieces of asparagus. I actually love vegetables, you know, I just don’t think this is the best way to fulfill that dietary necessity. Yeah, I know I’m ungrateful for hating on something that’s good for me, but I’d rather gobble up a plate of broccoli than poke lettuce for food. More potato and bacon soup, please.

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