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Guess who welcomed me back to NYC this evening? A baby centipede, who was running laps along my wall before meeting his demise. The moment I saw him out of the corner of my eye, I started screaming. It was utterly shameful, but I yelled for my roommate’s boyfriend, because I’m that kind of girl: when it comes to bugs, I need someone else to take care of all the dirty work. My roomie’s beau bailed me out this evening, but he’s not always going to be here to rescue me from ugly, venomous creatures, and he’s not my own personal exterminator either.

At any rate, I’m more than a little concerned. Centipedes can be really hazardous to humans, and if I’ve seen more than one in my room, chances are there are multiple hiding out here, waiting to puncture my skin and make me swell up like a balloon in my sleep. I’m almost too afraid to go searching for the little creeps under my bed, so what am I going to do instead? Re-watch “Hot Tob Time Machine” and tonight’s episode of “Revenge.” Anything is better than reading this quote from a Tibetan poet:

“[I]f you enjoy frightening others, you will be reborn as a centipede.”

Am I going to have to call the exterminator?

Oh God, please make me stop Googling “centipede,” the images are literally causing my skin to crawl! Think happy thoughts…think “Hot Tub Time Machine”!