“Bad Teacher” debuted to lots of negative reviews last year, partially because its main character has very few redeeming qualities, but I think there’s a lot to appreciate about this movie. Say what you will about the lead, but Cameron Diaz does an amazing job as the apathetic, selfish, mean-spirited, unenthusiastic, and somehow endearing Elizabeth Halsey. John Michael Higgins is also fantastic as the dorky-but-accepting principal, and many of the supporting actors make a good impression. Here are the best lines and scenes from “Bad Teacher.”
Elizabeth tells Garrett to get over his crush:
Elizabeth: I cannot keep sugarcoating this for you. This girl is never going to be interested in you. Never. You clearly have rich interior life with the poems and whatever but she wants a guy like Ian what’s-his-face
Garrett: Ian Mendelbaum? The rapper?
Garrett: He’s an idiot!
Elizabeth: Yeah he’s a fucking moron! But she doesn’t care. She’s superficial and her priorities are all fucked up. She likes him because he’s hot and popular. You are sensitive.
Garrett: Yes! Thank you!
Elizabeth: It’s not a compliment. You have some rough road ahead of you. Seventh grade is not your moment.
Garrett: Eighth grade will be better.
Elizabeth: Probably not. College. That’s your window. Be ready.
Lynn: We should finish up. Wally’s got that big orientation in the auditorium.
Elizabeth: Yeah, I’m not gonna go to that.
Lynn: But it’s mandatory.
Lyyn: I probably won’t go either. Huh…no I might, I’m probably going to sit in the back, maybe leave early. Maybe stay the end…Play by ear…Or just stay the end.
Garrett reads his poem:
Garrett: This is called “The Chase” by Garrett Tiara. xo xo, my love for you is xo xo. About her smile that I would walk a mile for. About her personality that makes me see the best in me. One glance, one dance, because together we can achieve balance. Thank you.
Philip: I loved it and I usually hate poetry.
Melody: Oh, Philip. “Hate” on Christmas?
Philip: Sorry, Santa. Sorry, Jesus.
Sasha: I’m Sasha Abernathy. My mother baked these cookies for you.
Elizabeth: Just leave ’em on the desk. You need something? … These cookies suck.
Elizabeth: Fucking troll!
Kirk: Did you call my name?
Elizabeth: No. I said fucking troll.
Kirk: Oh. Thought you said Kirk.
Amy: I love raisins and he hates raisins.
Scott: Yin and yang.
Lynn: You guys are so cute.
Russell: So cute. It’s like too cute almost.
Amy: Last weekend, we went for a drive. We had no idea where we were going and we left the maps at home.
Russell: WHAT? No way!
Scott: It was fine. I have a GPS navi system.
Russell: Oh, thank God.
Amy: And we discovered this new Ethiopian restaurant.
Scott: They finally got their own cuisine. Progress.
Amy: Listen, I don’t wanna tell you how to run your class. But maybe it might be fun to try some ice breakers. Like telephone charades or the string game.
Elizabeth: Are we gonna have a problem, me and you?
Amy: Go…no! Eliz…if I gave you that impression, well I…I’m so sorry! Because actually I was really hoping we could be more than just across the hall mates.
Elizabeth: I don’t know what you heard, but I don’t eat muff pie.
Amy: No, of course not. I don’t even know what that is. I just meant friends.
Elizabeth: Tell you what friend? I gotta get going. Cover me.
Lynn: A bunch of us are going out to see Period 5 tonight. You wanna come?
Elizabeth: Period 5?
Lynn: Yeah. The teacher band.
Elizabeth: I’d rather get shot in the face.
Jason Segel’s LeBron flip-out:
Amy Squirrel breaks into the men’s room: