You guys, I don’t have time to constantly meet new people anymore

z204944522As my roommate Jen would say, “It’s been real, but it hasn’t been real fun.” At the beginning of May, I joined a dating site in wake of a really annoying, unnecessary conflict with someone who decided to mess with my head for kicks before returning to his cushy life totally unscathed.

I’ve made a couple of friends (read: FRIENDS) since then, but discontinuing my membership, as I’ve gotten significantly lamer over the past few weeks and really need to catch up on my Netflix shows on my rare free weeknights. I don’t have the time or energy to meet even just one new person per week, and I think I’d rather just take my chances and be by myself for another six years than click through the site’s recommendations, none of which seem all that intriguing.

Also, it’s more than a little weird to receive messages like these from complete strangers:

hey how about we take an impromptu trip to Atlantic City this friday for a weekend of partying, gambling, and chilling! I got a room booked already in trump taj mahal. Busses board from port authority..what happens in AC stays in Ac 🙂

bonus points for being a self-proclaimed nerd.
I would skip all the messaging formalities and ask you to grab a drink and play ping pong at Fat Cat, but the internet can be a dangerous and murky place. I have carefully devised a series of vetting questions to ensure my safety:

1. Gangnam Style or Harlem Shake?
3. Do you eat fries with ketchup?

Those aren’t that odd, but I just don’t really have the desire to connect this way anymore. I always prefer in-person contact, and this is why I hate g-chat so much: to me, virtual communication just isn’t an adequate substitute for personal engagement. Internet chats were great for me at age 12, when no one aside from my small group of friends would come near me with a ten foot pole (I had way too many boyfriends on Harry Potter chatrooms back in the day, but that is most definitely a story for another blog post…). Now I just don’t see the point, especially since there’s no guarantee I’ll see any positive results, and, since moving to NYC, I’ve crossed over to the dark side and become “results driven.” No other way to be in this town, really.

From my limited experience, I’ve learned people act the same online as they do IRL. You see them once or twice, have a great time, and then they disappear like Amy in “Gone Girl,” never to be heard from again (all right, not to spoil the book for you, but Amy does re-surface in the disappointing novel. Get over it, literary junkies). I don’t have time for that with people I meet in person, so I certainly can’t be bothered to deal with that on a site I join under the expectation of success, and free drinks do not count.

More than anything, I only enjoy going out a couple of days a week, when I’m not exercising, watching an improv show, at improv class, or doing yoga, and I always enjoy myself with friends. I just have to keep doing that, but in the mean time, I’m disabling my account, which I just don’t have any use for given my schedule and admittedly low level of patience.

In other words, this is me now:

grumpy cat

 

Now if only I could match Grumpy Cat’s net worth too…

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